Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Bette Midler to Make Oscar Debut. Confuse Me?


The Diving Miss M will be performing at this year's Academy Awards.  Can I take a moment and just squeal, because the first person I ever saw in concert was Bette Midler.  Still don't know how my mother didn't know I was a flaming baton of homosexuality.

When I heard the announcement this morning, a shocking thing coupled every headline.  Midler has never performed at the Oscars?  Surely, that wasn't true.  How the heck could that be?!  You would think she would have performed when "The Rose" was nominated, right?  But then you must remember that the song wasn't eligible that year.  Stupid music branch.  Nathaniel Rogers properly brings the painful memories back in this piece over at The Film Experience.  

I assume she will be singing during the In Memoriam segment.  Thank goodness someone decided that a diva needs to sing for this so the applause doesn't change so drastically.


Luminous Ladies Cover EW


This issue hits newsstands on Friday.  Can Cate Blanchett and Lupita Nyong'o please star in a movie together?  Like, right now?  

Live Up To Your Shirtless Potential, Chris Pratt!!!


Welcome to your shallow post of the week!

The trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy debuted yesterday, and that's the one question I have after watching the teaser.  Chris Pratt is an adorable stoner-esque dude with a lot of beefcake potential.  Why isn't he capitalizing on it?  Remember last year when those pictures of his bod were released from the set of Zero Dark Thirty?  


Have mercy.

In Guardians, Pratt plays Peter Quill, an American pilot who calls himself Star Lord.  He steals a mysterious orb that the villainous Ronan wants, and now everyone is after him.  Or something like that.  All I could turn my attention to in this trailer was the following image.


I mean, come on.  You can watch the trailer below, but how can everyone not be clamoring to see this stud work out his arms on a daily basis?!  Pratt is a lovable, funny guy, and while Parks & Rec is on hiatus, he needs to keep that specimen of a body in tip top shape.  

Sweet baby Jesus.  Oh, and if you want to watch the trailer, here you go.  


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Someone Give Me a Life Raft From Life Raft Movies


A behind the scenes look at Angelina Jolie's Unbroken debuted during the Olympics this past week.  Jolie's second directorial effort focuses on the true story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic runner who was taken prisoner by the Japanese during World War II.  The preview lets us get a glimpse of the actual Zamperini as well as a look at Jolie's film.  

One of the sequences that stuck out in the trailer for me was the part that details how Zamperini survived on a life raft for 47 days.  I don't know if I can do another extended sequence in the ocean.  After Life of Pi and last year's All is Lost, I feel like another segment lost at sea will make me nothing but seasick.  Yes, Pi was a very emotional journey, and Lost wasn't my cup of tea, but my head started to swell thinking of this section of Unbroken.  I realize that it is not the focus of Jolie's film (at least I don't think so), but, for now, I can't handle it.  


It will be exciting to see what Jolie's second directorial effort brings out.  Her first, the Bosnian war drama In the Land of Blood and Honey, received mixed reviews but received a Best Foreign Language Film nomination from the Golden Globes.  

Monday, February 17, 2014

A Short, Late Damning of 'That Awkward Moment'


Here's the thing.  I know I shouldn't go see movies like That Awkward Moment.  In the mood for something mindless, I attended a showing with some friends hoping for some mindless entertainment with hot boys.  What I got was one of the most maddening examples of characters that should all be kicked in the nuts.

Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, and Miles Teller play three guy friends who are continually looking for the next piece of ass.  Well, Jordan isn't, but he is getting back in the game after his wife leaves him.  Yes, his wife.  How old is this kid?  Within the first scene that featured Jordan, I was met with that awkward moment when I knew this wasn't going to sell me anything remotely realistic.  Nothing in this movie is real.  Nothing.  Not one single iota rings true in That Awkward Moment, and that's the most shameful and troubling thing about it.  Is it simple, escapist romantic drivel?  Yes, it is, and I knew that going in.  I knew what I was getting myself into, so I don't have anyone to blame but myself.  Shame on me for wanting to be surprised by something.  

Efron, Teller and Jordan make a pact to not get into serious relationships, so, naturally, they all start dating girls behind each other's backs.  Kate Hudson would be so proud!  In the end, when they all discover that they are all indeed in some form of relationship, I was mainly disappointed that this wasn't going to turn into a sausage fest triad.  Efron actually exclaims, "Wait!  You're in a relationship?!"  Later down the road, Efron's girlfriend's father dies and he doesn't attend the funeral.  His reasoning?  If he would have gone, she would have thought they were dating.  Or in a relationship.  

But don't worry.  He delivers a tearful speech at the end and gets back together with her.  These guys are all douches, and you shouldn't spend their time with them.  


My Favorite Mr. President


I wasn't going to write anything coinciding with Presidents Day, but I was browsing my bookshelves for something to watch, and I spied my copy of 2000's political thriller, The Contender.

Starring Joan Allen, Gary Oldman, and Jeff Bridges, The Contender tells the story of the first woman appointed to Vice President after the current one dies.  A Republican U. S. Senator Shelley Runyon (Oldman) believes that Hanson is not qualified enough for the position, and he begins an investigation to bring her down.  Apparently, an incident involving Hanson and a drunken college orgy is discovered, and Runyon begins a very public smear against Hanson.  

Bridges plays President Jackson Evans, and he stands by Hanson.  I remember seeing The Contender with my dad back in 2000, and it has stayed with me since then.  Both Allen and Bridges received Oscar nominations for their performances, and Bridges remains my favorite cinematic president.  

Sure, I could've picked other movie presidents from my upbringing.  I could have selected Bill Pullman for his rousing, blockbuster-y speech at the end of Independence Day.  I could have even picked Jack Nicholson's over-the-top asshole of a commander-in-chief from Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!  Bridge's speech near the end of The Contender has stuck with me since seeing it almost 15 years ago.  


So, Happy President's Day Jackson Evans.  You would have gotten my vote.  

Friday, February 14, 2014

Oscar-Nominated Live Action Shorts: Dark and Brooding


We talked about the nominated animated shorts last week, so I wanted to dive into the live action entries this time around.  I was taken aback by how serious most of the shorts are this year (save for one), but that doesn't mean there aren't compelling stories on display here.  I felt like I was on the edge of my seat for a lot of them.  

Helium is the story of a sick boy named Alfred and an eccentric hospital janitor named Enzo.  Instead of telling the boy that after he dies he will go to heaven, the janitor explains there is another place called Helium.  A big, flying blimp will come take Alfred whenever he is ready to go, and he will be able to live in a beautiful world where all of the houses float on their own piece of land.  Alfred will be able to be as happy as he ever was before in Helium, and because Enzo is just a janitor he can only tell Alfred so much at a time  As Alfred's time begins to run out, Enzo becomes frantic to finish the vision of this alternate realm.  



To be honest, I thought they would put Helium later in the short film lineup, because it has an obvious emotional wallop by the end.  The other films are also serious, but this has a colorful whimsy to it.  The special effects are gorgeous, and it's done very well.  Like, but didn't love.


The Voorman Problem features something that the other shorts don't--famous people.  Martin Freeman (The Hobbit series, and BBC's Sherlock) plays Doctor Williams, a psychiatrist that is called on to examine a mysterious patient at a prison.  The patient in question, Voorman, considers himself to be a god, and the rest of the inmates spend the hours chanting his name.  No one is actually sure what Voorman's crime even was, because all the files in the prison have been lost.  

Tom Hollander plays Voorman, a scruffy fellow strapped to a chair in a straightjacket.  He tells Dr. Williams that he created the universe in 9 days.  Williams shrugs him off, convinced he's a whackjob.  As Williams goes to leave, Voorman says he will prove that he's a god by making Belgium disappear.  I don't want to ruin what happens, because it's only 13 minutes long.  

Voorman has a mysterious quality to it, somewhat menacing actually.  I wish it were a bit longer, though.  Voters may got for its sleekness and humor.  Or they may want to vote for actors they recognize.  


Just Before Losing Everything is the story of a woman who has decided to leave her abusive husband.  Its tension throughout took me by surprise.  

Miriam goes to the Wal-Mart-esque store she works in order to negotiate her termination.  She brings her teenage daughter and young son with her, and she just wants to get out before her husband finds her.  Her boss tells her that he will fire her so she can receive a severance package, and when he asks her if she is going to press charges against her husband, she tells him that there isn't any time.  Miriam's sister is on her way to pick all of them up after she finishes her business at work.  

The short dives right into the action of Miriam fleeing, and that's my favorite thing about it.  We don't see her home life, and we are given the situation from the middle rather from the beginning.  At first, I honestly didn't know what was going to happen or even what the story was, but rather than frustrate me, it intrigued me.  The acting from the cast is very good.  Lea Drucker, as Miriam holds everything together even though you can see her ripping at the seams.  There is a scene where her husband shows up at work, and the entire time you are hoping that he doesn't catch on to what is happening.  It's one of my favorites.


Aquel no era yo (That Wasn't Me) is my favorite short of the five, and I was expecting to hate it. 

Paula and Jaunjo are two Spanish aid workers traveling with a guide named Teniente.  They are making their way through the African countryside, and they are stopped at the border by two child soldiers.  Right when they are about to cross the border, they are stopped by the General who pulls them out of their jeep and accuses them of kidnapping child soldiers.  

The three are taken hostage.  The General asks a large group of children soldiers who is brave enough to kill their captives.  He shouts at them, assuring these kids that they will always be respected when they have a gun in their hands.  What transpires for the rest of the short is truly horrific and unforgettable.  The images of these children with machine guns in their hands is nowhere near as terrifying as the confidence that is seen in their eyes.  

I don't think I breathed the entire second half of this short.


The Finnish short Pitaako mun kaikki hoita (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?) is a wise choice for the closing short.  It's only 7 minutes long, and it is a comedic glimpse of a small family hurrying to get ready for a wedding.  

After waking up late, nothing goes right for this family, and every twist is pretty amusing.  The daughters dress themselves in costumes, they lose the present, and the mother takes a tumble while running to the church after missing the train.  Since it's the last short in the program, maybe voters will go for something with less gravitas.  A short that makes people laugh might make people tick their ballot.  It's slight, but very funny.