Moira Kelly's Birthday is Today. Toe Pick!

Yes, this is the second figure skating relation post in two days.  What are you going to do about it?!

Moira Kelly's birthday is today.  For those of you who may not remember, Kelly played Kate Moseley in the 1992 cult classic The Cutting Edge.  Kate was a temperamental figure skater who was in desperate need of a counterpart, and she found one in a former hockey player.  Sparks and spandex ensuded.  

To be honest, I haven't seen a lot of Kelly's other performances (she's done a lot of television), so she will always be Kate Moseley to me.  In one of the best scenes, Kate tortured her new partner (played by D. B. Sweeney) as he struggled to master his new skating style.  

I think that Kate Moseley is responsible for at least 50% of my bitchiness, so I have to thank Moira Kelly on her birthday.  Hopefully, she is somewhere skating around a rink in an uptight chiffon skirt somewhere.  

So...That 'Annie' Trailer Came Out...

Keep an open mind, Joey, keep an open mind...

I have never liked Annie.  Maybe it's because I never saw a part in it for me (which, yes, is very stupid), but the musical about the golden retriever-loving, redheaded orphan always gave me a migraine.  I break out in hives when I hear the beginning of "Tomorrow," and just thinking about it makes me feel like I need to take a walk around the block.  That being said, the remake starring Quvenzhane Wallis and Jamie Foxx intrigued me.  A modernization of Annie?  Sure, why not!  And then the trailer hit yesterday...

I haaaaate how glossy it all looks.  I realize that it's a big, grand retelling of the story, but Annie has a nicer room than I did when I was her age.  I've always thought of Annie as a poor, defenseless orphan, but Wallis looks like she could punch Miss Hannigan in the gut and run away.  I don't know.  It's all too shiny for my taste.  Speaking of Miss Hannigan...

I think Cameron Diaz looks dreadful.  Like Razzie consideration dreadful.  That bit at the end of the trailer where she tells Jamie Foxx to Like her on Facebook makes me cringe.  Sorry bout it, Cameron.  I was getting a bit excited for the casting of her, because when she plays lowbrow, it always feels like a career high.  

Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop...

I shouldn't complain.  I want more big musicals to hit the big screen (this year is going to have at least 3), but I really, really can't get on board with this right now.  

Keep an open mind, Joey, keep an open mind...

Tonya Harding and Velociraptors

Bum bum bum bum BUM!!!  Bum bum bum bum BUM!!!

I was unreasonably excited when I found the Jurassic Park soundtrack for $1 at The Exchange today, and it reminded me of a particular moment from my childhood when dinosaurs and figure skating intersected.  To no one's surprise, I'm sure, I was very much embroiled in the Tonya Hardin/Nancy Kerrigan scandal of 1994.  Of course, I was a nancy that loved Nancy, and I tuned in for the Lillehammer Olympics like any other overjoyed, queer kid.  

As the Sochi Olympics played out a few weeks ago, I somehow stumbled upon skating videos on YouTube.  Too much white wine and figure skating, obviously.  When I started watching Tonya Harding's performance in the long program, I heard something I will never forget from the announcer: 

"She will be skating to the music...of Jurassic Park..."

These two worlds were meant to collide.  Enjoy!

First 'Annie' Poster Drops

I don't really have an opinion about the remake of Annie, so I guess I will just put this up here.  For some reason, I thought of Fame when I came across this today.  

Ready to Feel Old? Cruel Intentions Turns 15 Today!

Cruel Intentions came out 15 years ago today.  How's that make you feel?  I remember my dad picking me up from school in 9th grade and taking me to Carmike Cinemas in Cranberry to see the 4:00 showing.  You may think that my father shouldn't have taken me to see an explicitly rated feature about teenagers playing sexual chess with one another.  Wrong!  My dad was awesome, because he fed my Sarah Michelle Gellar obsession.  Yeah, I campaigned hard for my dad to win Father of the Year that year, because he took me to the opening days to this and to Simply Irresistible exactly one month previously!  

I celebrated Cruel's birthday last year, so I guess I will be taking note of this movie on every anniversary.  Lucky you!

So, in honor of Cruel Intentions turning 15, snort some blow out of your cricifix, destroy a virgin's reputation, and look damn good doing it.  In whichever order you choose.  

Random Poll: Which Brah Movie Looks the Most Appealing?

I am in need of some movie junk food.  Something so fattening and shamelessly delicious that will make me feel bad after viewing it.  The movie watching equivalent of eating a box of Oreos.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  After spending the last month binging on Best Picture-Oscary-prestigious films (Best Picture Showcase Breakdown Part II coming soon!), I want something mindless to clog my moviegoing arteries.  

Upon browsing my local theaters, I noticed a lot of movies playing that bros would go see together.  Yes, January through April is a burial ground for movies, so I wasn't expecting anything grand or necessarily good.  I came up with a few choices.  Let's weigh the pros and cons!

Pompeii

Pompeii came out in time for action nerds to salivate over fiery explosions.  A love story set against the backdrop of the world's most famous volcanic eruption, one proooobably shouldn't expect very much.  It did come out at the end of February, after all.  Why not bump it to summer?

Pros: Big, stupid blockbuster (without being a blockbuster).  Visual effects porn.  Surprisingly short (clocking in at 98 minutes).  Kit Harington's abs can only do so much.

Cons: Big and stupid usually means crappy script.  Lots of eye rolling to be expected.  Not enough shirtless Kit Harington, I'm sure.  Emily Browning ruining everything with her pouty lips and blank stare.  

I'm sorry, I just hallucinated.  Best part of the movie?  Probably.

Non-Stop

Liam Neeson plays an air marshall who must track down a killer on a transatlantic flight.  The killer will murder someone on the plane every 20 minutes unless $150 million is transferred into an off-shore account.

Pros: Neeson teams back up with Julianne Moore, who plays a passenger on the flight.  Chloe reunion that we've been waiting for.  Or at least I have been waiting for.  Newly declared Best Supporting Actress Lupita Nyong'o plays a flight attendant.  Airline thrillers have been missed.  This has to be better than Flightplan, am I right?

Cons: I hate that Neeson has become an action star.  Surely, Moore and Nyong'o won't have enough screen time to satisfy me.  Lack of shirtless Kit Harington, surely.  

Don't worry, Lupita, you beat Jennifer Lawrence.

300: Rise of an Empire

The sequel to 2006's surprise smash 300 hits theaters this weekend.  This time, Themistokles leads an army of 300 men to do battle against Xerxes and Artimisia.  Sounds familiar, no?

Pros: Men, men, men, men, men.  The only redeeming quality of the first one was that I got to see a whole bunch of nearly naked men tumbling around with each other.  This time we have Eva Green, so getting stared down by her is like looking into the eyes of a more sophisticated Kristen Stewart.  Oh!  Zack Snyder isn't directing, so we are almost guaranteed no slow fucking motion.

Cons: Pretty much everything.  Why isn't this cheekily titled 301?  This, like its predecessor, will probably be two hours of men growling at each other--and not in the way that I like to see men growling at the gym.  The first could have seriously been 20 minutes shorter if Snyder didn't insist on making every death soooo cooooollll!!! by adding slow motion blood squirting every five minutes.  In a movie about 300 nearly naked men, I don't want to see blood be the only thing squirting. 

Going Back to the Pros: The nearly naked men.  I've never wanted to handle diapers more in my life.  

Eye candy at its Aussiest and finest!

poll by twiigs.com

The Afterglow: Re-Capping The Oscars

I have to apologize for not posting this earlier.  I met up with Megan from Megoblog for our annual "morning after" brunch, and as soon as I got home, I took a nap.

It's a casual conversation, and it goes a bit slow because of the influx of food, but we jump around a lot.  There is going to be a total recap up hopefully tomorrow after I rewatch everything.  We start off with John Travolta's meme-inducing mispronunciation, and it's off from there.  Have a listen!