Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Fifty Shades of Suck: Baby's First Spanking


There is no threesome in this new podcast, but this is a first: Megan and I are pleased to present 3 podcasts in this post!  We haven't posted a new podcast in quite some time, because I got busy with a show.  We recorded chapters 15 and 16 last week, but some technical difficulties prevented us from posting.  We go into that at the beginning of the podcast.  There is a LOT to cover in this post, people! 

You can listen to chapter 15 here!  When you're done with that, you can listen switch to chapter 16 here!  And then you can finish with chapter 17 here!

Christian visits Ana at her apartment so they can discuss the contract.  That's right.  They are STILL talking about that.  He brings her wine, and EL James makes a ridiculous point that they drink them out of teacups.  It's like the worst tug of war ever.


I realized that I want every instance of her subconsious to be represented in the movie, but I want it to be like a rolling advertisement at the bottom of your television screen while you're watching something.  I want her to scamper on, do something stupid, and then run off.  


Another casting choice we haven't considered is Shirley Temple.  From The Little Princess to The Little Tied-Up Bitch.  You're welcome.

The discussion of the soft limits leads to these chestnuts of dialogue:




Yup.  These were legitmately published.


When they are done talking through the soft limits, Christian gives Ana a brand new Audi.  Now this book isn't even fair.  We have left the realm of possibility, people.  Apparently, if you fuck a millionaire enough times in one week, you can get a brand new car.  

This is one of my favorite samples of "writing" in the whole book so far.  It's just so funny.

The tone of the podcast changes after chapter 15, because we are getting very bored at this point.  The sex has lost its shock value, and the characterization is just awful  We feel like we are losing either way. 


Obviously, we are getting into some really deep territory. 

As Christian gets ready to leave, Ana asks a million questions.  Because she's a child.  She has yet to sign that fucking contract that they continually bring up.  They discuss Ana going to the doctor and being put on birth control, because Christian casually mentions he hates condoms.  You know, because it has to make a point to make the woman responsible for everything.  God forbid the man wear a condom.  It has to be all about his pleasure and not hers.

I will admit that chapter 16 offers us Christian spanking Ana for the first time.  After slapping her behind for a while, they do it.  Shocking!!!  Anastasia doesn't hate it, so obviously this is going to continue.  He briefly offers to take her shopping for pajamas because she "deserves to be dressed in silks and satins," so clearly Megan thinks of TLC's "Creep" video.  One for our own Fifty Shades album?


Ana calls her mother, who spouts off cliches about men and how they are a different species.  Megan does her best Angela Landsbury/Sean Hayes as a woman impression as Ana's mother.  Ana begins crying, and something tells me that I shouldn't be amused that this character is crying over a guy.  Oh well.  By the way, we NEVER hear an explanation as to why her mother wasn't at her college graduation.  What the hell?

I will say that one of my favorite parts of this podcast is Megan's reading of the email exchanges between these two near the end of chapter 16.  It's aggressive and ridiculous and hilarious.  But not more ridiculous than Christian returning after said exchange.  Megan and I offer a dramatic reading (and another in chapter 17!) which is developing into our knew favorite way to read. 



Where else would you get these two pop culture references mentioned within two chapters of each other?  That's right!  Nowhere!

At the end of chapter 16, Megan and I open the floor to suggestion as to what we should do with the book when we are through.  It's probably really sad that we can't wait to finish this tome of idiocy, so vote in the poll below (and then move on to chapter 17!).


Probably the most sickening moment in all three chapters is when Ana and Christian refuse to hang up the phone with each other.  The "no you hang up" conversation actually happens in this book. 


I couldn't help but think of this moment.  Ana loves her new car, so much but she apparently never heard that she isn't supposed to text and drive (or in this case, email and drive as she is content with analyzing her emails with Christian as she test runs her new Audi).  She is very happy that she can drive in heels though:


Ana and Kate move to their new apartment, and we learn that Kate's parents bought this house as well.  I feel like Kate and Ana would eventually get into an argument about Christian, but I guess we will have to wait and see.  Christian promises Ana that he can get her a doctor's appointment to get her on the pill, and I will leave you all with the creepiest exchange in the book thus far:


 If you are just discovering Fifty Shades of Suck, my galpal Megan and I are reading EL James's inexplicable hit Fifty Shades of Grey out loud and providing our own snarky commentary.  If you need to catch up, have a listen to each of the podcasts below.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

'This is No Dream! This is Really Happening!'


I'm not sure how I feel about this.  Apparently, rebooting classic horror films as television entertainment is the way to go now.

NBC announced recently (ok, last week...yes, I really am behind) that they are planning a miniseries of Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby.  It will be a four-hour series, and the action will move from Manhattan to Paris.  No word on casting.  

Polanski's classic is one of my all-time favorite movies, and I am wary of another adaptation.  I was hesitant about Bates Motel, however, and I ate that up every week.  This development kind of reminds me of when they adapted Stephen King's The Shining for the television, and, while everyone claimed it was more faithful to the source material, the original Kubrick film overshadows it.


Speaking of Stephen King, remember when the television adaptation of his Under the Dome was supposed to only be 13 episodes?  It was originally supposed to air on Showtime, but then it got bumped over to CBS.  Now it's been renewed for a second season.  Will they extend Rosemary's Baby to a full season of episodes?  Maybe Satan will be getting a different woman pregnant every season, who knows!




Monday, August 5, 2013

All Right 'Walter Mitty', You Have My Attention...


The trailer for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty debuted last week, so I am definitely behind on reporting on it.  A friend of mine excitedly messaged me on Facebook asking me if I had seen the trailer, declaring that the visual style was pretty grand.  I didn't think anything of it, but then I saw it before a movie last week.  Man, oh man, does this look striking.

Mitty is directed by its star, Ben Stiller.  A remake of the 1947 film of the same name, Stiller plays the title character (originally played by Danny Kaye), a lowly office worker who fantasies about a more exciting life for himself.  When the jobs of his co-workers are threatened (including the job of his crush, Kristin Wiig), Walter embarks on a global, life-altering journey.  

The trailer doesn't give us much about the plot, but the Of Monsters and Men song "Dirty Paws" plays in the background.  Between that and the gorgeous photography, I am very curious.


I couldn't stop staring at the bold color of the Life logo in this shot.  Walter walks right past it every day.



Wiig should try to do more serious roles.  She's more versatile than people give her credit for.


I'm sorry, but Adam Scott is the most lovable asshole.  I want him and Paul Rudd to star in a movie as someone's multiple personalities.


When this picture started moving, I thought of two things.  It reminded me a bit of Julie Taymor's Across the Universe.  I also wondered if Sean Penn was on set of another Terrence Malick movie that he expected to be cut out of.  Just saying.





The film also stars Patton Oswalt and Shirley MacLaine.  Right after the trailer debuted online, it was announced that the film would be the centerpiece of the New York Film Festival.  Normally, the centerpiece is a big end of the year film, and it could lead to some awards chatter.  Life of Pi was the center of last year's festival.   

Incredibly Early Best Picture Speculation, You Say?


I have been itching to go on a limb and predict the Best Picture nominees for next year.  We are more than half way through the year, so it's a good time to take a stab at it, right?  Right?  Best Picture was a LOT easier to guess when it was a certain number of nominees, but now that it can be anywhere between five and ten, it's a bit harder.  Here is what I have come up with.


If I am sure of anything, it's that The Monuments Man will have some buzz around it.  Directed by George Clooney, Monuments tells the story of a group of curators and art historians who team up to recover works of art that have been taken by the Nazis, and they must snag everything back before good, ole Adolf destroys them.  In addition to Clooney directing, he stars alongside Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, Bill Murray and Jean Dujardin.  

I always say there's a movie up for Picture that's like an Oscar circle jerk, and this is it.  On paper, it looks like a surefire contender across the board.  It's a period piece...directed by a highly respected/powerful member of Hollywood...about taking down Nazis...and it has Oscar winners galore.  We haven't seen anything yet (no poster, no trailer, NOTHING), so this could be a huge success or be like The Good German.  Remember when Clooney said Blanchett was going to be nominated for that?  You know, The Good German...exactly.


I don't know about you, but this premise reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons where Bart learns that Grandpa Simpson was part of the Flying Hellfish.  Yup.  I just ruined The Monuments Men for you.  


I think another big awards player this season is going to be Steve McQueen's 12 Years a Slave.  I already went gaga went the trailer came out a few weeks ago.  McQueen's film follows a free black man in 1841 who is deceived into slavery, and the film chronicles his survival.  This film also features a pretty impressive cast including Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender and Brad Pitt.  Watch the trailer.  You will see what I am talking about.  


I don't think it's wise to bet against Joel & Ethan Coen at this point.  After No Country for Old Men won the Coens Best Picture in 2007, True Grit and A Serious Man were both nominated for Best Picture.  Seems pretty stupid to bet against them, no?  Their latest feature, Inside Llewyn Davis, won the Grand Prix at this year's Cannes Film Festival.

Oscar Isaac plays the title character, a folk singer navigating his way through New York's folk music scene in the 1960's.  Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake, and John Goodman co-star.  I'm not much of a music person (I'm Not There was completely lost on me), but the movie looks really mellow.  Plus, Llewyn Davis has a cat.  I'm down with that.  


Sci-fi flicks don't have the best relationship with Oscar, but I feel like this year might be different.  Back in 2009, District 9 and Avatar both were up for Best Picture, but that was when the category expanded to ten nominees.  Alfonso Cuaron directed Gravity, and everything about it seems breathtaking.  This will easily be up for technical awards, and I think it has the potential to creep into the bigger categories.  

Can Cuaron snag a first Directing nomination?  Can Sandra Bullock or George Clooney get nominated again for their performances?  Who knows.  It is set to open the Venice Film Festival, and it will play at the Toronto Film Festival.  


recently wrote about the trailer dropping for David O. Russell's American Hustle.  Russell is on fire right now: both The Fighter and Silver Lining's Playbook were big Oscar contenders.  The trailer makes it look like it could be a heavy awards player, especially for the acting categories.  You can't put that many Oscar nominees and winners in one more and expect nobody to talk.  


I am a little nervous putting August: Osage County up here.  Film adaptations of acclaimed plays are usually miss with Oscar unless you're Doubt (I swear that would have been nominated for Picture of the category was larger that year).  Carnage had whispers about its performances a couple years back, but that all fizzled.    The ensemble drama (black comedy?) won the Pulitzer Prize back in 2007.  The film focuses on the Weston family who come together when the patriarch disappears.  Dysfunction ensues.  I've never seen the play, but the script is staring at my from my bookshelf.  I need to get around to seeing it before the film comes out.  

I think this might be more of a performance thing.  Meryl Streep will certainly be nominated, because it's a great role.  Also doesn't hurt that it's Meryl Streep.  Julia Roberts plays her eldest daughter who doesn't see eye to eye with her mother.  People give Roberts a bad wrap and say she isn't a good actress, but I am looking forward to seeing her in this.  She works well when she's pushed by a director or if it's something against her type (she was great in Closer, another play adaptation).  See, I'm already talking about just the performances, but I will put this up here.  August is more sprawling than its play counterparts.  The cast could elevate it.  


I've had a feeling about Ron Howard's Rush since I saw the first trailer.  Based on a true story, Rush dramatizes the rivalry between Formula-1 racers James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth) and Niki Lauda (Daniel Bruhl, who I think could pull out a Best Supporting Actor nomination) in the mid-1970's.  Hunt is a womanizing playboy who becomes racing's top dog after Lauda gets into a near-fatal car crash.  

It seems to focus on more than racing as the trailer suggests it's the battle between two very different men.  Howard is an Academy favorite, and if he can get a director nomination for Frost/Nixon, I think he could pull out some notice in the Best Picture race.  


I'm going to go out on a limb and say Captain Phillips will grab a spot.  It is directed by Paul Greengrass who should have had his United 93 nominated in 2007 (sorry bout it, Little Miss Sunshine).  Starring Tom Hanks, Captain recounts the true story of a cargo-ship captain who surrenders himself for the safety of his crew after a band of Somali pirates take control.  

Greengrass is such a great action filmmaker, and it will be great to see Tom Hanks in a potentially notable role again.

Now this is where stuff gets tricky.  There are a handful of movies out there that could get nominated for Best Picture, but we have to wait and see how they are received.  


Philomena stars Judi Dench as a woman looking for the son she gave up for adoption when she was forced to live in a convent as a younger woman.  Wherever Dench goes, awards seem to follow.  She almost got nominated last year for Skyfall.  

No trailer has been released, but it's directed by Stephen Frears who gave us Dangerous Liaisons, The Queen and Mrs. Henderson Presents.  It will compete in this year's upcoming Venice Film Festival, so we will have more of an idea of its chances after it plays.  


Usually the movies at the end of the year snag all the awards, and anything released in the first six months is ignored or forgotten.  I am wondering about Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine.  The majority of the reviews focus on Cate Blanchett's performance, but could all the positive reviews push it into the Best Picture fray?

Blanchett plays a shamed New York socialite who moves in with her sister and her husband (Sally Hawkins and Bobby Cannavale) after a Madoff-esque scandal leaves her flat broke.  The movie currently has an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes, and it's shaping up to be one of Woody Allen's most acclaimed recent efforts.  


Like The Monuments Men, this might be stupid to bet against.  The Wolf of Wall Street is directed by Martin Scorsese and stars Leonardo DiCaprio.  Is that enough to warrant a nomination?  

DiCaprio plays Jordan Belfort, a stockbroker who managed to make almost $1 million a week in the 1990's.  His life of excess leads to corruption and, well, more excess.  The trailer is a bit over-the-top and silly, but it shows off actors.  Matthew McConaughey, Jonah Hill, Jean Dujardin co-star.  

If Wolf turns out to not be an Oscar movie, we still get this of Leo:


I'm still not betting against a Scorsese movie.  


Fruitvale Station, now playing, might be too small to make it all the way to the Oscars.  It kind of reminds me of last year's Beasts of the Southern Wild in the respect that it came out at Sundance to critical acclaim, and both movies received raves when they were released.  

Station recounts the true story of Oscar Grant III, a 22 year-old African American who was shot while on the commute home on New Year's Day in 2009.  His death caused social uproar and riots in Oakland, California.  

I would love to see it go all the way, but it might be too small.  


A movie that seems to be on a lot of pundits' lists is Saving Mr. Banks.  Tom Hanks (hello again) plays Walt Disney and Emma Thompson steps into the shoes of Mary Poppins writer PL Travers.  Saving focuses on Disney wooing Travers for the rights to film Travers' novel.  Disney made a promise to his daughters to turn their favorite book into a movie, but she is reluctant because she doesn't want Disney to change her most beloved character.  

The film is directed by The Blind Side's John Lee Hancock (that's a bad sign, to me), but I am really excited to see Hanks and Thompson go head to head.  There have been movies recently that have dealt with a certain celebrity for a certain span of time.  My Week with Marilyn.  Me and Orson Welles.  Hitchcock.  I liked them all right, but I wasn't in love with them.  Perhaps I am reluctant to dive into this movie because I think they will have the same result?  


I don't know much of anything about Nebraska.  It is directed by Alexander Payne (The Descendants, About Schmidt), and it stars Bruce Dern and Will Forte.

The movie centers around a father and son who travel from Montana to Nebraska to claim prize money.  Along the way, they meet family members and acquaintances.  Yup, that's all I got.  Usually Payne is pretty reliable, but I am not hearing a lot about this.  It was nominated for the Palm d'Or at this year's Cannes Film Festival, and Dern won Best Actor.  I will wait for a trailer.


What's a Best Picture prediction without a completely left-field, batshit crazy guess?  No guts, no glory, right?

How about Neill Blomkamp's Elysium?  Blomkamp's District 9 nabbed a nomination back in 2009, and his latest hits theaters next week.  Elysium is set in 2154 where the rich live on a space station paradise above Earth while the poor struggle to survive on the planet.  Matt Damon plays a man who must get to the floating habitat to cure himself of a disease, and, ultimately, bring balance to the uneven living arrangements.  Jodie Foster co-stars as the high-ranked official standing in his way.  

The film obviously comments on immigration and class structure, but Blomkamp insists that the film is supposed to reflect the society we live in, not the near future.  It's a long shot, but who knows, right?! 

If I had to go with what I thought I would be nominated right now, it would be this:



Friday, August 2, 2013

Ellen DeGeneres is Hosting the Oscars Again!!!


I am over the moon that Ellen DeGeneres was hired to host next year's Oscars.  Some Oscar blogs are all in a tizzy over the surprise pick.  There are those who are saying she's too safe a choice, or that they went with her because everyone hated Seth MacFarlane last year.  

Screw those people!  Ellen is a fabulous choice.  When it comes right down to it, she is a personable host who is...wait for it...funny!  Those other people need to get over themselves.  Just keep swimming guys, and stop worrying about it.  


'The Way Way Back': Summer Lovin' Had Me a Blast


I loved The Way Way Back because the entire movie felt like summer.  You know what kind of summer I am referring to: you have a sun-soaked crush and you have a crappy job.  The best crappy job in the whole world. 

This relaxed coming-of-age yarn centers on Duncan (Liam James), a shy, 14 year-old who is reluctantly whisked to his mother's boyfriend's beach house for the summer.  In the opening scene, we get a glimpse into Duncan and Trent's relationship.  While Duncan's mother, Pam (hello, Toni Collette) sleeps, Trent asks Duncan how, on a scale of one to ten, he sees himself.  Duncan thinks he's a six, but Trent quickly responds that he's a three. 

As they begin to unpack, we meet the other summer residents.  Betty (Allison Janney) always has a clinky glass and a pervy comment to say.  Like Duncan, her children Susanna and Peter, seem less than thrilled to be there.  Duncan immediately takes to Susanna, played by AnnaSophia Robb, and slightly befriends Peter whose lazy eye is a much debated conversation between him and his mother.  Amanda Peet and Rob Corddry pop up as Trent's neighbors, Joan and Kip.  


Since Trent makes Duncan's life a living hell, Duncan stays away from home as much as possible.  While exploring his new summer surroundings, he stumbles on Water Wizz, a water park that is right out of 1992.  He befriends the park's resident man-boy, Owen, played by Sam Rockwell, and Duncan eventually begins to secretly work at the Wizz.  He becomes more confident in his home life (and standing up to Trent), and we get to see a young person really begin to come into his own.

I fell in love with this movie.  The characters felt real and honest, and my heart really went out to Liam James, who plays Duncan.  The whole supporting cast is great (director/screenwriters Jim Rash and Nat Faxon also appear in small, funny roles), but the standout is Sam Rockwell.  Rockwell's Owen is hilarious and self-assured, but not too much of a jerk.  His relationship with Duncan is sweet, fun, and genuine.  He's the big brother everyone would want to have.  Rockwell deserves recognition for this performance.  

Steve Carrell and Toni Collette are great in roles I've never really seen them in before.  Collette, as Pam, is timid but doesn't want to show it.  Her passiveness is something that Collette never does, but she wears it well.  Carell has never played this much of a obvious jerk before.  Trent is the person that Owen could have turned out to be, but Owen's heart is better.  Trent always refers to Duncan as "buddy" and it just made my blood boil.  Allison Janney made me howl, especially in her opening scene.  I want to be her when I grow up.      


Perhaps I loved The Way Way Back because I loved my summers growing up.  Everything felt true. 

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Do the 'Hustle'


The trailer for David O. Russell's American Hustle debuted yesterday, and I am surprised by how badly I want to see it.  The trailer doesn't really tell us anything, so this is obviously more of a teaser.  Russell churned this one out quickly after directing last year's Silver Lining's Playbook

Originally titled American Bullshit, Hustle focuses on the Abscam sting ring of the late 1970's and early 1980's.  The screenplay was featured on The Black List in 2010.  The cast is sort of ridiculous.  Russell has directed almost everyone to an Oscar nomination or win in the last five years, so I doubt that I am the only one guessing that nominations might happen.



One of the things that has been a topic of conversation around Hustle is that Bradley Cooper sports a perm.  I joked with a friend yesterday that the title of this should have been Wigs: The Motion Picture.  I wonder if the makeup team is worried or excited that they expanded the Oscar category to Best Makeup & Hairstyling. 


Jeremy Renner is the only named actor in the trailer who hasn't been directed to an Oscar by Russell (he has earned to for The Hurt Locker and The Town), so maybe he will snag one this year?


Jennifer Lawrence (everyone's favorite District 12 tribute) looks a hot mess in this trailer.  I thought she was going to have more of a lead role in this, but maybe she is more supporting?  I am getting a total Sharon Stone in Casino vibe from her for some reason.  Her hair is all sloppily updone and her nails are painted a brash red.  Love it!



The person who really stands out to me in this, however, is Amy Adams.  She gets to really slink, scream and slap in this trailer (the Oscar S trifecta?).  Adams is incredibly overdue for an Oscar in my opinion.  She's been nominated 4 times for Best Supporting Actress, so maybe she will come out on top.  I know that Melissa Leo was collecting awards left and right for The Figher, but I would have voted for Adams instead that year.



 
There is a LOT of attention paid to her ass though...that worries me a bit...


What do you guys think of the American Hustle trailer?