Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year's Everyone!

You ready for tonight's festivities?  Pour that champagne, grab your special guy and girl, and wait for the ball to drop.  I wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year!  If you were staying in tonight, may I recommend When Harry Met Sally... or In Search of a Midnight Kiss.

Be safe and have fun!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Page to Screen: First 'Gone Girl' Pic is Perfect

The first image from David Fincher's Gone Girl adaptation dropped Saturday (how I missed it, I don't know).  It looks exactly how I pictured it. Ben Affleck stands at a microphone while an image of his missing wife, Amy, looms beside him.  Amy's parents look on. 

Do yourself a favor and read Gillian Flynn's novel.  You will fly through it, and I can almost guarantee that you haven't read characters like this before.  I'm anxious to see more. 

Ulysses Better Get His Red Carpet Due!!!

Remember the 2011 Oscar season when The Artist was picking up prizes left and right?  The black and white, silent throwback to old Hollywood was adored by critics groups far and wide.  Not only did The Artist dominate the awards circuit, but everyone lost their shit over the little Jack Russell Terrier named Uggie.  

I hate this dog.  Yeah, I said it.  That little ankle biter was EVERYWHERE, and his presence only fueled my distaste over The Artist's dominance over everything that year.  Red carpet shows would begin, and then came Uggie prancing up the walkway to various award shows.  He charmed the pants off of everyone but me.  Uggie took pictures at the Oscars and the Golden Globes, and he eventually "released" a memoir titled Uggie, My Story.  This title has surely plagues the bargain section of Barnes and Nobles across the country.

I only bring up that mangy bastard, because I want the orange tabby cat from Inside Llewyn Davis to get his due.  Being more of a cat person, I was eager to see a feline in a prominent role in a Coen Brothers flick.  We meet Ulysses very early on in the film when Llewyn (Oscar Isaac) accidentally lets him out of the apartment he's staying in.  As Llewyn scambles to catch him, the door closes behind him, and he can't get back in.  Ulysses becomes a reluctant travel companion--at least until Llewyn can figure out what to do with him. 

Sure, Uggie can do tricks.  He can playfully jump around on his hind legs to make simple people clap their hands in joyous glee.  Ulysses has the moody personality that I would appreciate in a movie star.  He continually tried to get away from Llewyn, and he occasionally pops back into the story every now and then.  Maybe I am just impressed that they got an adorable cat to sit still for a prolonged period of time.  My cat wouldn't stand for that. 

Embrace Ulysses, America!!!  He's obviously a hard working feline who should get credit for his work in Inside Llewyn Davis.  An adorable cat such as Ulysses deserves to prace down at least a few red carpets. 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

What I Want 'Million Dollar Arm' to Really Be About

Has anyone else seen the trailer for Disney's Million Dollar Arm?  It looks very much from the producers of Miracle and Invincible, so the studio has found another inspiring sports story.  I personally have my fingers crossed for the curling drama. 

Million is based on the true story of Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, two young Indian cricket players who were signed to the Pittsburgh Pirates in 2008.  Watch the trailer below, and notice how Pittsburgh isn't even mentioned.  What the what?!?!

The title only reminds me of one thing, though...you know what I'm talking about.  You can hear the Jaws music too.  Million Dollar Arm...Jon Hamm...

I would play baseball for that.  What an arm!!!  Is a Jon Hamm-dick/baseball-inspirational story too much to ask for?!  I think not!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Hanging Out: The Best Posters of 2013

Posters can be really effing generic these days.  Throw a title up with some famous face, and some people think they have a classic ready to be framed.  There were some exceptional one sheets this year (The Conjuring almost made the cut), so, without further ado, I present Movie MoJoe's first annual top 10 posters of the year.

10. This is the End

Apocalypse themed flicks were quite abundant this year, but no poster captured the loud, obnoxious, arrogant orgy like This is the End.  It actually reminds me of the Toy Story 3 poster from a few years back.  You know, without the whimsical smiling.  The stars of the movie are in full freak out mode (even more front and center in this series of character one sheets), and I can't help but laugh at it whenever I see it.

9. Stoker

Something is rotten in the Stoker family.  Park Chan-wook's precise thriller had some other posters, but none is as stunning as this one.  Mother Nicole Kidman and daughter Mia Wasikowska (along with the Stoker patriarch's casket) anchor the bottom of this artsy one sheet.  It's as if everything is growing and rotting from the very base.  

8. Lee Daniels' The Butler

I was worried when I saw the original poster for The Butler.  It's so...blaaah and baity.  This one came out a few weeks before the movie premiered.  The scrawled, almost graffiti, texture and style of the actors' names behind the outline of Forest Whitaker's title character hits the notes more than the original.  It's messier and rougher around the edges than its predecessor.  

7. Nymphomaniac

Nuff said.

6. The Heat

Remember all the controversy over the airbrushing of Melissa McCarthy on the boring one sheet for The Heat?  It has nothing on this Mondo version.  The blazing yellow font and effinf artistry of this poster blows me away.  It's also just fun.  It reminds of an 80's buddy comedy that I would find in the back of my hometown video store.  The poster doesn't play up the comedy as much as showcase the bevy of characters.  

5. Escape from Tomorrow

Seeing Mickey Mouse's hand covered in blood is a very jarring image.  I actually haven't seen Escape from Tomorrow (OnDemand here I come!), but that iconic gloved hand is enough to get me curious.  The film was shot secretly in Disney World, and it's about a man who has hallucinations in the park while vacationing with his family.  I sure hope Minnie Mouse is all right...

4. You're Next

The horror flick You're Next may not have been super successful at the box office, but it's clever and fun.  And so is the poster.  The slasher movie focuses on a family tormented by a small masked group of men in animal masks.  The poster looks like a horror Humane Society board game.  

3. The Bling Ring

The shade of it all indeed.  Sofia Coppola's The Bling Ring centers on the true story of a group of teenagers who stole millions of dollars in clothes and accessories from a variety of reality stars.  The poster is very simple and glossy.  These sunglasses look like they belong in a drawer in Paris Hilton's bedroom.  Come and look at the dirty, pretty things.  Everything's beautiful and fun until we get caught.

2. Spring Breakers

Scoff all you want.  Find me another ad campaign that is as colorful and lurid than the saturated Spring Breakers.  All the posters are bold and vibrant and dangerous.  Some are scary and some are annoying.  The movie isn't afraid to receive negativity.  The scantily clad girls in their bright bikinis are not the kind of people you'd want to mess with.  They would either shoot you or give you crabs.  The casual nature in which they tote guns or scream your face is jarring and memorable.

1. Gravity

That face.

I hope people aren't experiencing Gravity fatigue from me.  You can read everything on Sandra Bullock's expressive face.  I remember seeing this poster in a lit up case at my local theater, and I stopped walking.  So much is being conveyed in her eyes that she should get an Oscar nomination for this moment alone.  It's a movie that grabs you and doesn't let go for the entire duration, and the poster grabs you the same way.

Monday, December 23, 2013

'12 Years' a...Brad Pitt's Face?

You may have seen Steve McQueen's 12 Years a Slave.  And you may have seen the one sheet poster that features Chiwetel Ejiofor seemingly running for his life in front of a clear, white background.  It's a very simple, yet powerful, concept.  And then this happened in Italy...

Um...why does this even exist?  Yes, Brad Pitt is an international superstar. but come on, guys.  It's not even a good poster!  It looks like something that would be featured in a BuzzFeed article years from now.  Even if people thought Pitt was the lead (or even just his floating head), they would be sorely disappointed by his lack of screen time.  

Gimme a break.  

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Jakey: I Never Once Wanted to Quit You

It's Mr. Gyllenhaal's birthday today.  I've always loved Jakey, because, well, look at him!  Those eyes...that jaw...that scruffy jaw...I'm sorry!  Ahem.  Jake turns 33 today, and I didn't realize before how close we are in age.  Who is a failure at life?  The guy writing this post, that's who!

In honor of Jake's birthday, let's look at him at his absolute finest.  He so fine.

Jake in His Undies, but Out of the Bubble in Bubble Boy

Jake All Wet, and Nowhere to Go.  But into my room to dry off in The Day After Tomorrow.

Angsty Jake--in need of hypnotic therapy and giant bunny in the cult classic Donnie Darko.

Angsty Jake, Part II.  Knocking up a glammed down Jennifer Aniston in the underrated The Good Girl.

Did you really think I wasn't going to mention Brokeback Mountain?  That movie was sort of a beacon of light for me back in 2005, and Jake was fucking fantastic in it.  Oscar nomination well deserved, Jake.  

It was just a bonus that this kiss was a gay one.  It's so hungry and romantic.

Baby, it's hot outside.  Merry Christmas indeed. 

Earnest and obsessed in Zodiac.

I went to see Prince of Persia for one thing and one thing only.  I wanted to see a buff, hairy Jake Gyllenhaal sweating in a desert.  Did it deliver?  Not in the slightest.  I didn't even go to the restroom the entire movie so I wouldn't miss a forty-foot shirtless Jake.  

Remember that awfulness?  For shame, Disney!  

Here's a closeup shot of Jake's abs for your troubles.

Love and Other Drugs was about...um...Viagra?  Medical comedy?  Did Anne Hathaway have Parkinson's or just curly hair and a constantly quivering chin?  I would have preferred if this was called Jake and Anne Boink for Two Hours or Anne and Jake Compete for Best Ass.  It would have made more money.  


You're welcome. 

Scruffy and could be mistake for a sexy algebra teacher in Souce Code.  Underrated movie.

Protect and serve, Officer Gyllenhaal.  

I think I liked Prisoners more than a lot of other people.  It's one of Jake's better performances.  Much less showy and moody.  Ah, to be that tattoo on that neck.  

Happy Birthday, Jake.  Here's to another 33 years of making me squeal every time I see you.  

'In Our Stars' Poster makes My Heart Ache

That's all I really have to say about it.  I am going to be an optimist about the adaptation, so you will probably get nothing but sunshine and lollipops.  Unless the trailer makes me weary.  Then I will bitch like my normal self.  

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Sign on to Direct a YA Movie, Don't Expect Repeat Employment

Is this just a pattern I am noticing, or am I insane?  

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Divergent, the latest young adult dystopian adaptation, is already seeking a director for the second installment, Insurgent.  Divergent, which stars Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort and Kate Winslet, doesn't hit theaters until March, but director Neil Burger will not be returning to helm the sequel.  

Aren't we jumping the gun here?  Shouldn't Lionsgate make sure that what they have is more Hunger Games than Golden Compass?  I don't think they would trash Insurgent considering that it was greenlit back in May, but the first film could be a giant trainwreck, right?  Maybe the fans will hate the first adaptation, and then the second film will be put on hold.  I am talking out of my ass in this sidebar note.

Remember when Catherine Hardwicke directed the first Twilight, and then all of a sudden there were rumors that she was fired?  She backed out of directing New Moon, because she wanted to take the time to make it.  Summit wanted the movie out as soon as possible, and Hardwicke had a right of refusal written in her contract.  She dodged a bullet there, because the movies went down in quality after she left the franchise.  I mean you can't polish a turd.  

Gary Ross directed The Hunger Games last year, and decided to not direct Catching Fire.  Ross, like Hardwicke, wanted more prep time, and ultimately passed on directing the sequel.  Catching Fire has already made almost $750 million worldwide, and friends I've talked to favor the sequel to the original.  

In EW's piece, a Summit rep claims that Burger will be putting his finishing touches in post-production when Insurgent begins pre-production.  Guess they don't want that sucker to breathe for one second.  Perhaps that's how all productions for franchises go, but it sounds like a revolving door.  

Are you excited to see Divergent?

Monday, December 16, 2013

Brian Returns to 'Family Guy'; Ryan Murphy in Charge of this Move?

I had a really good conversation with my friend Kristin this weekend about television.  We mentioned the shows we were excited to binge watch, and she advised me on what my priorities should be when I hunker down for a long evening of sitting in front of the tube.  

The conversation turned to American Horror Story: Coven--a topic most of my conversations turn to nowadays.  She is an expert on all three seasons while I have only watched the first (with Murder House) and the current season.  We agree that Ryan Murphy's shows never allow the characters to fully deal with the situations they are given.  For instance, Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) was shockingly blinded by a cup of acid thrown in her face, but don't worry!  Three episodes later her vision is restored just as quickly as downing a shot of Pepto.  All of the characters that have been killed have been brought back to life.  When Patti LuPone was shot, I never feared that her guest arc was cut short.  Murphy's shows tend to succumb to this pattern.  Popular (his first show on The WB) and Glee never allowed the characters to fully deal with the obstacles thrown their way.  

I am not surprised that Seth MacFarlane brought Brian back to life after killing him off three weeks ago.  The internet pretty much exploded when the episode aired.  Even though I don't really watch Family Guy that much, it would have been better if they kept him dead.  I know it's a cartoon and not a drama on a risky network like FX.  For a show that seems to like pushing everyone's buttons, bringing Brian back feels like the show got neutered.