Thursday, December 19, 2013

Jakey: I Never Once Wanted to Quit You


It's Mr. Gyllenhaal's birthday today.  I've always loved Jakey, because, well, look at him!  Those eyes...that jaw...that scruffy jaw...I'm sorry!  Ahem.  Jake turns 33 today, and I didn't realize before how close we are in age.  Who is a failure at life?  The guy writing this post, that's who!

In honor of Jake's birthday, let's look at him at his absolute finest.  He so fine.


Jake in His Undies, but Out of the Bubble in Bubble Boy


Jake All Wet, and Nowhere to Go.  But into my room to dry off in The Day After Tomorrow.



Angsty Jake--in need of hypnotic therapy and giant bunny in the cult classic Donnie Darko.


Angsty Jake, Part II.  Knocking up a glammed down Jennifer Aniston in the underrated The Good Girl.


Did you really think I wasn't going to mention Brokeback Mountain?  That movie was sort of a beacon of light for me back in 2005, and Jake was fucking fantastic in it.  Oscar nomination well deserved, Jake.  


It was just a bonus that this kiss was a gay one.  It's so hungry and romantic.


Baby, it's hot outside.  Merry Christmas indeed. 


Earnest and obsessed in Zodiac.


I went to see Prince of Persia for one thing and one thing only.  I wanted to see a buff, hairy Jake Gyllenhaal sweating in a desert.  Did it deliver?  Not in the slightest.  I didn't even go to the restroom the entire movie so I wouldn't miss a forty-foot shirtless Jake.  


Remember that awfulness?  For shame, Disney!  



Here's a closeup shot of Jake's abs for your troubles.



Love and Other Drugs was about...um...Viagra?  Medical comedy?  Did Anne Hathaway have Parkinson's or just curly hair and a constantly quivering chin?  I would have preferred if this was called Jake and Anne Boink for Two Hours or Anne and Jake Compete for Best Ass.  It would have made more money.  

 

You're welcome. 


Scruffy and could be mistake for a sexy algebra teacher in Souce Code.  Underrated movie.


Protect and serve, Officer Gyllenhaal.  



I think I liked Prisoners more than a lot of other people.  It's one of Jake's better performances.  Much less showy and moody.  Ah, to be that tattoo on that neck.  


Happy Birthday, Jake.  Here's to another 33 years of making me squeal every time I see you.  

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