Thursday, March 26, 2015

I Don't See Lex Luthor, But I Do See...

The first picture of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor dropped yesterday, and I sort of couldn't look at him. One could argue that he is giving us a hardened version of his Oscar-nominated role of Mark Zuckerberg from the poster of The Social Network, but I only saw one person in his strong stare. 

I recently finished HBO's obsessive miniseries, The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst, and Durst's face is going to haunt my dreams for week. And any actor who intensely stares into the camera. 

Friday, March 13, 2015

There Should Be a Cate Doll for Every Film She Makes

Originally, I was hesitant to see the new live-action version of Cinderella. The first trailer basically told the entire story, so why waste the money on seeing the newest one? Cate Blanchett's costumes, that's why! The Aussie should have a limited edition doll for every role she takes on.

While walking around the Disney store (as one does when one lives in Miami), I came across a doll for Blanchett's wicked stepmother, and she was a beauty. I almost bought her, and I sort of regret not spending the cash. Cate could keep my RuPaul doll company on the bookshelf in my living room.

It looks like the doll's outfits were made by Sandy "I already have 2 of these" Powell herself. She's an early frontrunner for Best Costume Design, right? No contest. The Disney promos have actually worn me down, and I'm looking forward to seeing Cinderella this weekend. I'll tell myself it's just for the costumes. 

It got me thinking. What other Cate Blanchett parts would make a good 18 inch doll? Can someone please make a line of Cate dolls that everyone can collect for their Waylon Smithers style doll room? Here are a few suggestions.

Cate's most recent Oscar win first comes to mind when dressing up dolls. The Blue Jasmine doll can come with an array of outfits (that red dress!), but my only suggestion is that she comes with a Birkin bag and martini ready to drink. If they can work in a sweating option, that'd be awesome. 

The Elizabeth films had to be on here, right? This one from The Golden Age always stood out in my mind, because of the headpiece. You could just change her hair and throw on some armor. 

It's all about the accessories. 

The world needs a Blanchett I'm Not There doll. You know it. I know it. Make it happen. 

People probably forget about Ron Howard's The Missing, but there has to be a marker for a medicine woman doll from the late 19th century. Throw in another horse and a shotgun and you have one of the most original dolls in this collection!

Notes on a Scandal is one of my favorite films on Blanchett's filmography, so this had to land here. You could do so many looks from this film: relaxed bohemian Cate, scarfy, sneaking around Cate, or mascara-smeared, brawling with Judi Dench Cate. They could make a Judy Dench doll, and you can recreate their fight scene in your very own home! There could be a "roaring screaming at the media" feature.

What other Cate dolls could they make? Katharine Hepburn from The Aviator? Meredith from The Talented Mr. Ripley? Carol from the upcoming Todd Haynes drama Carol? The options are endless! Someone needs to make these happen. Pronto. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Whose Fault Is It?! Bitchy Comments for the 'San Andreas' Trailer

I had no idea that a movie called San Andreas was even coming out. Disaster flicks are always a VFX-laden adventure at the movies, but I had my bitch-o-meter out when I first tuned into the new trailer for San Andreas. You know, the movie starring Dwayne "Not the Rock" Johnson as, what seems to be, a helicopter pilot. Just what the doctor ordered: a bitchy commentary about a movie not targeted towards a raging queen like me.


The trailer begins with a woman waking up on the top of a burning building. Wait. Is that Carla Gugino?! One feverish IMDB search later, I am stunned to learn that she is in San Andreas. Incentive to see this now? A bit. 

Did anyone else feel like she symbolized an actress deserted in an industry burning around her with no parts to play? That if she doesn't run towards Dwayne "Not The Rock" Johnson," she will never get a sizable part in a big-budget Hollywood film every again?! Surely, this is what director Brad Peyton was going for, amIright? An allegory about women over the age of 30 who can't find work in a vanity filled industry? One can dream. 

Paul Giamatti is Soooo Basic

When Paul Giamatti is in your movie, your score pretty much automatically goes up to at least 30%. He must play a scientist of some sort, because he seems to be the only one with an idea about what's happening. And then he delivers the line, "The world will literally crack open..." It reminded me of that SNL sketch from a few weeks ago about the Millenial interns who won't shut the window. 

Insert Casting Couch Joke Here

There's a joke to be made right here about the Hollywood sign being blown over that has something to do with sexual favors. I can't connect the dots, but you can figure that one out without me. Use your imagination. 

Is Forever Still On?

We would have also accepted, "I can't believe Forever hasn't been canceled yet." 

Been There, Done That: Boat Edition

A boat has to get over a big wave before it crests? Where have I seen that before? 

You'd be surprised by how many times I've brought up The Perfect Storm today. 

Been There, Done That: Wave Destruction Edition

In a disaster movie trailer, there's usually a long, dramatic shot at the end where a big scene of destruction is about to go down. In San Andreas, a giant wave (previously seen in The Perfect Storm) is about to wipe out The Golden Gate Bridge in gay paradise San Francisco. It only reminded me of the giant wave from the end of a particularly destructive meteor disaster from way back in 1998. 

You've been shown up by Mimi Leder's Deep Impact. Suck it, San Andreas.

Bonus Bitchiness: Use Some Punctuation!

Some of the promotional materials are making us trying to feel something ("I love you dad!" from the trailer), but I ain't buying it. Mainly because I think there needs to be a space between their statements in the tagline. It's supposed to read, "Where will you be...who will you be with...", but it reads like an incoherent sentence. 

Where will you be who will you be with

Someone needs to fix it! I don't want to think! I have to run away from all the giant waves! 

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Random Poll: Who is Hotter--The Beast or Gaston?

Just a poll to perk up your Thursday. Late last night, I posted a piece about Dan Stevens and Luke Evans nabbing the roles of The Beast and Gaston in the live-action musical remake of Beauty and the Beast. Both gents are pretty studly, so let's just vote on who is hotter!

Who is hotter?

Dan Stevens (The Beast)
Luke Evans (Gaston)
Poll Maker

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

'Beauty' Finds Her Beast and Gaston

There hasn't been very much news lately on the casting front of the live-action version of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. After Emma Watson was announced as Belle, it quieted down considerably. That all changed today when the two leading men in Belle's life were cast.

Luke Evans will be chasing after Belle as Gaston, and Dan Stevens will win her heart as The Beast. How does everyone feel about these decisions? I was kind of hoping that Chris Evans or Channing Tatum (perhaps Henry Cavill even?) would take on the role of Gaston, because he's so deliriously ridiculous. The most ridiculous thing about Evans is that Dracula Untold was his last feature film. 

I rolled my eyes when I heard about Evans (...ahem...), but look at his face compared to the animated version. It's pretty darn accurate, if you ask me (something about the slimness of the face). Is Bill Condon wanting the smoothest transition possible with Gaston? 

When it comes to Stevens, I'm totally on board. Just this weekend, I saw The Guest, and that was bonkers. If Stevens can throw himself into the ridicilousness of an almost-robot soldier gone rogue, I'm thrilled he's stepping into the part of an angry prince/musical theater tortured beast who lives with ridiculous talking objects. 

Condon said that Beauty and the Beast is going to be a musical, so let's just hope that they don't cut one of my favorite songs in the show. 

He is pretty good with casting, but, come on, he's only directed Dreamgirls. Surely, Jennifer Hudson will vouch for him. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Dramatizing a Famous Doc? Call Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

CITIZENFOUR won the Oscar for Documentary Feature a little over a week ago after an impressive run in the awards circuit. The film told the story of NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden contacting director Laura Poitras and her subsequent meetings with him formed the basis of the documentary. Today the first pictures from Oliver Stone's upcoming drama, Snowden, became public. 

Joseph Gordon-Levitt will star as Snowden, but it's not the first time he has starred in a feature film similar to an Oscar-winning documentary. Stone is no stranger to shining the spotlight on controversial figures, and Gordon-Levitt made a statement on his Facebook page about his reaction to the project. The statement reads:

I was surprised when I first learned this about Snowden--that he enlisted in the US Army in 2004. He wanted to go fight in Iraq, but during basic training at Fort Benning, he broke both of his legs and received an administrative discharge. After that, he was still determined to serve his country (love him or hate him, you gotta admit the guy's strong-willed) and so he ended up getting a job at the CIA, which is where his career in Intelligence began.

I recently saw the trailer for a completely different film titled, The Walk. The tease shows a slightly shaggy Gordon-Levitt in Argo-esque clothes as he stands atop the World Trade Center. As the trailer played, I kept thinking, "Oh's Man on Wire...nononononono!" JGL will play Philippe Petit, the French high-wire artist who walked between the World Trade Center Towers in 1974. Funny enough, Petit was the subject of the documentary Man on Wire from 2008. Oh, and that also won the Oscar for Documentary Feature. Wire was directed by The Theory of Everything's James Marsh. Take a look at the trailers side by side.

I'm not super sold on The Walk since it looks like it's Spider-Man 78, and I really want Joseph Gordon-Levitt to start dancing the Flashdance finale up on a wire (Petit actually crossed between the skyscrapers 8 times and did a little dancing as well). If you're dramatizing an Oscar-winning doc, Joseph's your guy. What's next? Fingers crossed for March of the Penguins