'Tusk' is Definitely Memorable, Definitely Weird

People had told me that Kevin Smith's Tusk was a very weird experience. Some didn't know if it was supposed to be funny, but Smith's church-bashing, blood splattering Red State freaked me out. A friend mentioned that people walked out of his screening of Tusk, and this only excited me more. Say what you want about its tone or script, but Tusk is easily one of the most memorable films of the year. 

Justin Long is very good at playing doofy, lovable characters. Early in his career, he was smiley and adorable, but Tusk lets him play a real douchebag. Donning a poorly grown mustache that every 1970's porn star would encourage him to shave, Long plays Wallace Bryton, a podcaster who ventures to Canada to interview a kid who chopped his own leg off with a samurai sword. Apparently, Wallace and his co-host Teddy (Haley Joel Osment--yes, that Haley Joel Osment) think this kid amputating his own leg off is hilarious ("I'm going to ask this kid everything," Wallace says. "I wanna know what he jerks off to"), and it will do very well for their show titled The Not-See Party.  Turns out Wallace's trip is a bust, because the kid kills himself before Wallace arrives.  

Pissed that he flew all the way out to Canada (the eh jokes surprisingly restrained), Wallace finds a friendly community post in a bar restroom written by a guy who has "many stories to tell" from his "amazing life." What luck! Luck like this only happens in the movies. Wallace drives for 2 hours, and he meets wheelchair-bound Howard Howe (Michael Park) in his home in the middle of nowhere. Howard regales Wallace with tall tales of Hemingway and meeting walruses, and soon Wallace is knocked out senseless. He wakes up seatbelted to a wheelchair and his left leg is missing. How's that for irony? 

This is where Tusk might lose its viewers. Howard tortures and mutilates Wallace that it's pretty hard to watch, but it's Howard's goal that is absolutely strange. You'll either laugh and roll your eyes at it, or it will really freak you out. Watching Tusk will make sure you never want to see a walrus ever again...that's all I'll say. 

Park starred in Smith's Red State, and he was absolutely crazy in that as well. Instead of thumping a Bible, however, his craziness in Tusk is homegrown and it's even more unsettling to think of Howard festering in that huge house all alone. The idea of how much he thinks on this plan is just as freaky to think about. Long's behavior early in the film is enough for you to hate him. He's disrespectful and obnoxious. By the end, I felt bad for Wallace. It goes places I never thought it would go.

Is it weird? Yes. Is it twisted? Absolutely. Some of the imagery is so messed up that I guarantee I won't be able to shake it for a while. 

'Inherent Vice' Gets a Smoky, Fun Trailer

One of the fall's most anticipated films is Paul Thomas Anderson's Inherent Vice, and it finally got a trailer last night. Some people have been curious about the comic tone of Anderson's latest since his critically-acclaimed The Master and There Will Be Blood were so serious. This might be one of my favorite trailers of the year. 

Phoenix plays Doc Sportello, a private investigator who gets lured into a kidnapping plot by his ex-girlfriend, played by Katherine Waterston. The cast is pretty awesome, and it includes Josh Brolin, Owen Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Jena Malone, Martin frickin' Short. It will also let us see Phoenix reunite with his Walk the Line co-star Reese Witherspoon, even if it's only for a scene or two. 

I love Waterston's voice in the beginning and end of the trailer ("coming just in time for Christmas," she assures us), and the blazing colors of the cast match well with the loud music playing in the background. It looks fun. 

Personally, I could watch Phoenix get hit over the head and fall over on a continuous loop.  

I'm Embarrassingly Behind on My Movie Watching...

I haven't seen anything in the longest time, and, to me, that's shameful. Miami doesn't seem to get films on the same schedule as Pittsburgh, so it's a bit trickier for me to see things.  All of the films pictured above are playing somewhere in Miami, and I was wondering if any of my readers were looking forward to any sort of reviews.  

poll by twiigs.com

Fifty Shades of Suck: Silver Balls...Silver Balls...

Silver balls...silver balls...it's domming tiiiiiiime in the city!!!

Yes, the latest chapter of Fifty Shades Darker mainly revolves a pair of ben wa balls that Christian has Ana...uh...wear?  Do you wear them, or do you carry them?  Serious questions are being asked here, people!  

Again, nothing really happens in this chapter.  EL James has decided to tease us with more sex that goes absolutely nowhere.  I have to point out that at least the sex in the first Fifty Shades had a point.  It furthered the plot a bit in order to have Ana process it (her thoughts on the sex itself are horrible, but at least James sets it up for some thought), but the sex in Fifty Shades Darker is pointless. Look at me trying to make sense of this pointless fuckery! 

Christian takes Ana to a masked fundraiser in this chapter, and I was hoping that it would turn into the orgy scene of Eyes Wide Shut.  My hopes are dashed yet again. I didn't know masquerade balls actually had a purpose. Doesn't it seem like masquerade parties are just masquerade parties, and benefits are just benefits? Are they really mixed together like that?  Maybe I need to get invited to more masquerade balls...

My favorite single moment from the chapter, though, is when Christian takes Ana into his library, and she quite literally has the same reaction Belle had in Disney's Beauty and the Beast.  Yup, Fifty Shades has ruined yet another Disney classic.  

If you are new to Fifty Shades of Suck, my best gal pal Megan and I meet up every week to read a chapter from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, but we provide our own snarky commentary.  Last year, we subjected ourselves to the first book, and now we are chugging right along through the first sequel, Fifty Shades Darker.  If you would like to play catch up, the first set of podcasts are available here, and Fifty Shades Darker chapters are available below.  We hope you enjoy, and share them with your friends!!!

Chapter 5

Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Chapter 1 

I'm Making a Pie for No Reason!

I've been missing fall a lot lately.  As one could imagine, living in Miami means perpetual sunshine and humidity, so I don't get the usual leaves changing colors or pumpkins on every front porch.  I decided to make a cheesecake pumpkin pie (go big or go home), and it reminded me of Sweeney Todd and Waitress.  So this is what I have to contribute to the world today.  

Suck it, Betty Crocker.

The two examples of joyous pie-making that I could think of were of Mrs. Lovett and Keri Russell.  I almost made it a trifecta with Jason Biggs in American Pie, but I didn't want to soil my first pie-making experience with thoughts of Biggs' rump on my pie.  Hopefully, my first pie doesn't taste horrible.  To celebrate, I thought we'd look at Lovett and Russel talking about pies!  

A Call to Arms for Glenn Close?

I was just putzing around IMDB (exciting Friday night for me, obviously) when I came across the trailer for Low Down, a music drama starring John Hawkes, Elle Fanning and Glenn Close.  I had never heard of it before.

Low Down is a drama centering on the relationship between jazz musician Joe Albany (Hawkes) and his daughter (Fanning), and she watches him struggle with drugs in the 1960's.  It also stars Flea (yes, him), Lena Headey, and Glenn Close as Hawkes' mother.  As the trailer ended and it listed the actors, Close's face appeared with "And six-time Academy Award Nominee" above her name.  Is the studio gunning for an Oscar nomination?  It's kind of like they are saying, "come one...enough is enough...give her an Academy Award."  

It looks like a pretty good drama.  I love Hawkes and Fanning has been working nonstop.  What else can you say about Close really?  She looks solid as always.  

Did Disney Rename Some 'Into the Woods' Characters?

(Entertainment Weekly is now reporting that this is untrue.  The post on Disney.com was incorrect.)

Remember when people heard rumors that stuff was getting cut from the big screen adaptation of Into the Woods, and everyone (myself mostly) freaked the hell out?  People were complaining that Disney was wrecking everything and blah blah blah, and then Stephen Sondheim came out and said we have nothing to worry about?  If you know who Sondheim is you are probably aware of all the drama that went down.  People's fears seem to have been squashed by the stills and trailer for Woods, but now BroadwayWorld is reporting something very strange.  

If you go onto the official Disney Into the Woods site, the cast is listed, but they have changed some of the names.  Cinderella's Mother is now Lady Tremaine and her prince is now billed as Prince Charming.  It doesn't stop there.  Rapunzel's Prince is listed as Flynn Rider.  Excuse me?  Is Disney taking control of these characters, or is it just an oversight?  

Hopefully, someone just got the list wrong, because this would be really unfortunate (I'm ready to blame some pimply-faced intern).  I don't really recall the names of the characters being said to one another, but Into the Woods doesn't use the Disney versions of these characters.  

Cue freak outs in 3...2...1...