Wednesday, December 24, 2014

What's That Smell? Oh, the Five Shittiest Movies of the Year

The tree is trimmed...the presents are wrapped...and the eggnog is poured. It's the end of the year, and the top ten lists of 2014 are trickling online, but my personal list isn't ready yet (so many movies left to see!). The present you can open early this evening is my list of the five worst movies of the year. And, no, Winter's Tale didn't make the cut. Sure, it is probably the worst thing to come out of 2014, but it's so weird and stupid that a drinking game can be devised. 

5. Magic in the Moonlight

Woody Allen always gets a pass from me, but not this time. Magic in the Moonlight is the costume comedy cousin of Midnight in Paris that you don't want to invite to your party. Allen's casting of Emma Stone feels misguided, and she has more chemistry dead as Gwen Stacy from Spider-Man 2 than she does with Colin Firth. It's forced, boring and bland.

4. That Awkward Moment

Oh, you like that picture of Zac Efron atop a toilet with his muscled bum bared? Of course you do. The only good thing that came out of That Awkward Moment was Troy Bolten Efron showing off his ass in this male-driven romantic comedy. If they showed this image in a movie theater for 2 hours, I'd pay for it, but I definitely wouldn't again sit through the nagging tale of 3 brahs too embarrassed to admit they are all in relationships. Really, guys? Plus, Neighbors (which came out 2 months later) upped the hot Efron quotient a lot better.

3. Men Women and Children

Jason Reitman's cell phone cautionary tale features enough characters that everyone can see themselves in someone. Those same characters, however, aren't fully fleshed out, and the end result is so melodramatic that none of it seems real. Swipe left. 

2. The Other Woman

The Other Woman legitimately gives me a headache. Initially, it appeared that we would have a First Wives Club 2.0 on our hands. Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann are comic pros, so this women-get-even-on-the-cheating-sleaze looked like a light, care free good time. This movie is a mess, and that's coming from a guy that appreciates cinematic messes. It's not funny, poorly written, and shockingly dated. 

1. Let's Be Cops

Let's not, shall we?

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Joey for warning me about Magic in the Moonlight and Men, Women & Children. I might have on a bad night, thought about renting them. Now I think I won't. I never had any interest in That Awkward Moment, but my roommate swears it's good. I'll stick with not seeing it. Same with The Other Woman. Even the idea of watching Kate Upton running down the beach with her huge boobs bouncing isn't enough for me to want to see it. Haha!

    Let's Be Cops - Too late. Saw it. It was okay, but nothing to purposely remember.