Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Golden Popcorn Killed the Oscar Star

The MTV Movie Awards likes to take the award season and turn it on its head.  When I was a teenager, I remember thinking that it was the coolest awards show around.  Where else could movies like Scream, Seven and The Matrix win Best Movie?  As I got older, I found them pretty lame, but yesterday they announced their crop of nominees, and I might tune in this year.  I linked to the full list of nominees below. 

MTV features some standard categories (Best Male and Female Performance, etc.), but every year they change it up a bit.  Back in 1996, they handed out an award for Best Sandwich in a Movie (it went to Ham & Cheese from Smoke.  Turkey Club from Four Rooms was ROBBED!!!), and from 1992-1996, they awarded Most Desirable Male and Female, respectively. 

Ted and Django Unchained lead with 7 nominations each. 

My favorite categories are Best Villain and Best Fight.  Best Villain has ranged from the iconic (Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight) to the delightfully silly (Ben Stiller for Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story), but I think women villains are the best.  Jennifer Aniston won last year for Horrible Bosses,and Rebecca De Mornay won the first Best Villain trophy for playing a whackjob of a nanny in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.  I have loved her (and been terrified of not loving her) ever since.  Come on, people!  She killed Julianne Moore with a greenhouse in that movie!!!  I feel like women could have their own villain category (Best Villainess?), but I fear that it would turn into a Best Shrill Bitch Award.  This year's crop of villains are predominantly from big budget franchises (see link below).

Bitch is CRAAAAAAAY!!!

Best Fight has also been susceptible to awarding Twilight in recent years (The Hunger Games won last year, so teens killing each other must been en vogue), but this year has to go to Mark Wahlberg versus Ted from Ted.  I mean, come on.  Marky Mark getting his ass kicked by an animated bear?  Pure gold.

I bet Geena Davis would like to do this to Seth MacFarlane.

Speaking of Marky Mark and his fine ass, MTV added a new category for Best Shirtless.  FINALLY!  MTV must have gotten my letters.  Personally, every should know that I think Channing Tatum deserves this for Magic Mike.  I guess you could give it to Taylor Lautner for his "body" of "work," but Tatum performed without his shirt in that stripper movie.  If we are talking literal sense of the title of the category, Best Shirtless Performance should be about taking your shirt off, am I right?  Lautner just takes his shirt off time and again.  NOT complaining, I assure you.  Shouldn't the nomination for Magic Mike be for ALL the men in that movie?  Matt Boner Bomer, Matthew McConaughey and Joe "Humana Humana" Manganiello should also be recognized, I think.

A category that is hit or miss is Best Kiss (three guesses as to what has won in the last few years).  Sometimes they go on full-gay and award stuff like Brokeback Mountain or Cruel Intentions, or they go for sappy classics like The Notebook.  To each his own! 

You can't blame MTV for being totally original.  At least they do something completely different.  If you have awards fatigue, you should tune in to watch Rebel Wilson host this year's ceremony.  If you don't believe me, let me remind you that The T-Rex was nominated for Best Villain for Jurassic Park.  Oh yeah.  Awesome, right?

"Damn you, Meryl Streep!!!"

For a full list of nominees, click here!!!


  1. Magic Mike should have been nominated for everything. It was robbed a Best Picture nod!

  2. It also deserved Best Glistening Abs, too!