Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Trailer Tracker: What Maisie Knew, The Bling Ring, After Earth

Movie trailers are in contention for one of mt favorite things in the whole word.  They are right up there with kittens, hot chocolate and shirtless Channing Tatum.  I would pay a ticket just to watch 2 hours of trailers.  You know you would too!  I decided to start a recurring post where I dissect movie trailers, and give my opinion.  Maiden voyage, bitches.  Let's get right to it. 

After Earth stars megastar Will Smith and his son, Jaden, as a father and son who crash land on Earth after it was evacuated over 1,000 years ago.  It's nice to see Will Smith leading another big, sci-fi adventure again, but I am a bit surprised they didn't want to open this around his usual Fourth of July summer slot (the movie comes out in June).  

Jaden seems to be growing up fast, and it seems father Will (who reportedly turned down Django Unchained) is grooming his son to succeed him as the family's newest action star.  Can he live up to his father's massive box office career?  

But why worry about dependable Will here, when you can wonder how the heck Sophie Okenedo was cast in this movie?!  Don't get me wrong, she's lovely, but she hasn't been around since, what, Hotel Rwanda?  Looks like she took that Best Supporting Actress nomination in 2004, and RAN with it!  INTO THE GROUND!!!  The biggest question of them all, though, is this.  WHO IS M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN BANGING TO KEEP MAKING MOVIES?!?!  I admit that I don't mind his films, but I am only one little gay person.  To my knowledge, everyone else hates his movies, so who keeps giving him chances?  For the record, I love The Village, so if you start bitching, you can kiss my ass.  


Sophia Coppola's The Bling Ring is based on the true story of a group of fame-obsessed teens who rob celebrity homes in California.  The movie is gaining a lot of attention, because it is Emma Watson's first major role outside of the Harry Potter franchise.  Watson stars as one of the burglars, and I am sure all the college guys will be drooling over Hermione Granger being all grown up.  Pervs.

I love the music in the trailer and the bold uses of color that Coppola's films usually employ.  


You know it's based on a classic book when the character on the cover is fat by today's standards...

What Maisie Knew is a modernization of the Henry James classic that centers on a young girl who is pulled back and forth by her parents as they go through a messy divorce.  I am excited because it stars my movie goddess, Julianne Moore as an aging rock star.

Why can't I buy this album?!?!?!?!?!

The film costars Steve Coogan (love) and Alexander Skarsgard (eh, I don't get the hype) as the men in Moore's life, but the big story is how amazing Maisie (Onata Aprile) is in the title role.  

Are we sure she actually isn't Sophia Coppola?  Someone ask her if she directed Hermione!  

You mean she's even better than Jake Lloyd?  

I am excited to see this because we don't see very many bold adaptations.  I am not talking Anna Karenina scope or scale, but just how often can we say they are updating a book from 1897?  I am anxious to see if crappy parenting translates.  This also makes me sad, because you know Julianne Moore will be amazing in it and she won't get any awards traction.  She is only getting better (and more beautiful) with age, so the only thing I know for sure is that Moore won't win an Oscar.  Again.  


"You just get to a point where the disappointment in your life..." is the first sentence for the Keanu Reeves film, Generation Um... Yes, that's the title.  Yes, it is the dumbest title you've ever seen.  

This trailer gave me scabies.  First, you have this asshole still making movies

Then you have a stupid girl acting all "fun" and "crazy" which for some reason people will mistake for being interesting (she will probably have a monologue somewhere in the movie where she talks about being misunderstood).

I hate you already.  

The trailer doesn't suggest much of a plot, but, from what I gather, Keanu steals a camera and asks really hard questions to two hotties (elevator freak and a poor man's Michelle Williams) about life and indecision.  I hate trailers like this, because they are trying really hard to mask that the movie is complete shit.  I see right through yooouuu!!!  


I really like how The Hangover Part III is advertising itself as a trilogy, because this franchise could have gone on forever.  The Wolfpack returns, but this time there isn't a wedding or bachelor party to anchor the action, so one would assume that it's going to be sheer madness.  I mean, the trailer gave us

Yup.  That just happened.

I do love that they spoofed the final Harry Potter movie poster for their teaser poster.  One would assume that I would be mad, but how could I be?

You know you're going to see it. 

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