Wednesday, June 5, 2013

My Kind Of 'Expendables' Sequel

I read recently that they are going to release ANOTHER Expendables movies next year, and I had a thought.  From what I understand, The Expendables is about a group of muscled up men challenged to take down a Latin American dictator, but are then betrayed by a CIA-operative (thanks, Wikipedia).  I am sure this led to a lot of gun fire, slow motion, and men screaming while they kill lots of other non-white actors. 

Does everyone remember The First Wives Club?  If you have a heart, you sure do!  The 1996 gay man's cinematic mantra followed three older, yet forever treasured, women (Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton) who are traded in for younger models by their baffoon husbands.  The women then seek out to destroy the successful men they aided in making. 

The movie co-stars Maggie Smith (pre-Downton Abbey), Elizabeth Berkley (post-Showgirls), and Sarah Jessica Parker (between Hocus Pocus and Sex and the City).  Keaton, Midler, and Hawn were seen as "expendable" in FWC, so I think they need to make an action movie starring these three women instead of Bruce Willis, Arnold, and Sly Stallone.  Think about what a dry, sarcastic commentary that could be about the state of ageism against Hollywood that could be! 

Here's the premise I have so far.  In my opinion, Keaton, Midler, and Hawn should play themselves.  It would be funnier, right?!  Well!  While on the set of The First Wives Club 2 (how meta, right?), their real-life husbands are stolen by the three young actresses (think Jennifer Lawrence, Kristen Stewart and Sarah Hyland).  If that's not enough, the trio are then fired by their director because the studio pressured him into going younger.  Well, all bets are off and they decide to destroy Hollywood for the injustice! 

Along the way, they are joined by other over-40 actresses who have sometimes been ignored or neglected, and they blow the shit out of Hollywood.  Think about it!  Joan Allen, Angela Bassett, Meg Ryan and Sigourney Weaver would be perfect.  And, of course, at the end, they have to perform a riotous musical number while they are all bloody and dirty from fighting the male-dominated movie machine.  Maybe "It's My Party" or something similar?

Who would you want in an all-female shoot-em-up action-er?  What song would you want them to perform?

1 comment:

  1. They should sing, "Don't You Forget About Me"!