Friday, August 16, 2013

Fifty Shades of Suck: Meet Me in the Red Room

It's time for a Friday treat!  Just in time to get you through your last day at work, Megan and I present you with the latest chapter of Fifty Shades of Suck.  Chapter 18 is a biggie (which you can listen to here!!!), loyal listeners, because we finally enter Christian Grey's Red Room of Pain.  I ponder if we could find such a place on Google Maps...

We have a special guest in this podcast!  My co-worker (and avid, devout listener) Megan Moore has joined us.  It's a bit confusing at first, because there's a whole lot of Megan going on at the beginning, but it settles down.  I believe it ends up being our funniest podcast yet.  It's certainly the longest we've ever spent on one chapter.  We get sidetracked.  A lot.

My favorite line might be the one above, because I immediately thought of Matthew Perry on Friends.  How could I not.  Potential Christian Grey movie casting spoiler?!  In my dreams!  Actually, we have two suggestions for our wild adaptaion of Fifty Shades.  The other candidates might be these guys:

That chair is perfect to play Anastasia!!!

Just saying.

The other thing Megan (number 2, I believe) suggested that Christian could be different for every woman.  Kind of like how Bob Dylan was played by many different actors in Todd Hayes' I'm Not There.  Every woman (and gay man) has an idea of what their ideal hot guy is, and the three of us reveal who our personal Christian Greys would be.  It's not that surprising. 

There are a few new entries for the Joey & Megan version of the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack:

This might be the most fucked up soundtrack of all time.  Watch your back Bodyguard sountrack!!!

Maybe the most fucked up part of the chapter is after they have sex for the millionith time.  Christian binds Ana's hands together, and when he cuts the binding, he basically compares her to the opening of a Bottom Dollar Foods.

At the beginning of the chapter, Christian pays a gyno to examine Ana.  You know, an odd offer he probably should have suggested before they had sex?  He's been balls deep in her so many times, I'm surprised a visit to her lady doctor wasn't in order before.  We believe this to be a very big missed opportunity.  We've expressed our disappointment over EL James detailing every...single...detail of every...thing, but this was summed up in one sentence pretty much.  Not that we want to see/hear/read about her gynocological exam.  We are more upset over the inconsistencies.  Of course, we remedy this:

I am DYING for a montage in the movie.  Something similar to Julia Roberts trying on hats in Pretty Woman.

The BEST thing about that has happened in public while recording these podcasts actually happened last night.  While in the middle of a sexfest in the middle of chapter 18, a man got on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend near a fountain.  You know, right after I dropped a GD bomb and slammed the table while talking about a fucktard girl getting introduced to bondage.  We have proof!

Right after she said yes!

Come on, dude.  Tuck in your fucking shirt when you are proposing to your girlfriend near a Starbucks in the middle of Homestead.  Christian Grey would be so disappointed in you. 

We had a blast recording this chapter, so hold on tight, bitches!  Shit might get real here on out.  Yeah, you're probably right.  It won't. 

If you are just discovering Fifty Shades of Suck, my galpal Megan and I are reading EL James's inexplicable hit Fifty Shades of Grey out loud and providing our own snarky commentary.  If you need to catch up, have a listen to each of the podcasts below.

Chapter 12

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