Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Fifty Shades of Suck: Child's Play and Casting Decisions

FINALLY!!!  We finally hear some legit casting about the upcoming adaptation (and Razzie winner) of Fifty Shades of Grey.  Charlie Hunnam (humana, humana) and Dakota Johnson (The Social Network) have been cast as the insipid protagonists, Christian and Anastasia.  Naturally, Megan and I had to get together to record a podcast!!!  You can listen to chapter 21 here!  And then listen to chapter 22 here!  

I personally think Hunnam is a good choice--he's relatively unknown, and at least he will have a surefire box office success with this (it's sad that this will automatically get a sequel greenlit).  Let's look at some dreamy pictures of the future Mr. Grey:

We are introduced to Christian's housekeeper, Mrs. Jones, which automatically makes me think of this:

Megan reads Mrs. Jones with a British/Mrs. Potts-y accent, and I just realized that she reminded me of Lenny from that episode of Will & Grace.  Karen replaces Rosario with a British maid, and Jack isn't the biggest fan:

As I listened to the first podcast, I realize how many times I just make a noise in disgust while Megan reads.  Not that it's not appropriate.  Before Ana goes on her internship interviews, Christian bangs her on his desk.  Notice how he doesn't say that's a first for him.  One of the many things Megan and I notice is how many child references Ana makes about Christian.  It's really effing creepy. 

Ana goes to the airport to board her flight to Georgia, and she is told that her ticket has been upgraded to first class.  Ana is livid and embarrassed.  Someone shoot her.  If my fiance ever upgraded my flight, I would think it was really sweet, but Anastasia Steele thinks it's rude.  Does this bitch not realize how good she's got it?  Has she not seen The Devil Wears Prada?  A million girls would kill for this job, Anastasia!  Move over!

We meet Ana's mother, and I adopt a Paula Deen accent for some inexplicable reason.  Just go with it and enjoy.  Doing the accent was the only thing getting me through this drivel.  I sort of hope she is around more so I can read more in my Southern

Ana goes on and on that Christian scares her, but then she admits to herself that she loves him.  THIS BOOK HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME THE WORST THING EVER COMMITTED TO THE PAGE!!!  I know that I have made this declaration before (and probably will again), but this is insulting to my senses on every level.  Someone stop EL James before she commits literary homicide again. 

Oh!  And if you always wanted to know what a chesterfield couch was, here it is!

If you are just discovering Fifty Shades of Suck, my galpal Megan and I are reading EL James's inexplicable hit Fifty Shades of Grey out loud and providing our own snarky commentary.  If you need to catch up, have a listen to each of the podcasts below.

Chapter 12

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