Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Boys Are Stupid, Or Not Even Zac Efron's Ass Can Save Your Shitty Movie

When the trailer for Zac Efron's latest, Neighbors, came out earlier this summer, I met it with joy and a parade.  Efron was often-shirtless, and wall was right with the world.  I didn't realize he was in another comedy!  When I watched the trailer, however, I needed some place to throw up.

That Awkward Moment is the title.  And what a shit-tastic title it is.  This movie stars Efron, Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan as three brahs who apparently didn't get the memo that acting like a stupid frat boy isn't very amusing anymore.  Yes, I know that Neighbors is literally all about stupid frat guys, but Awkward has an arrogant "boys will be boys" tone to it that just riles me up.

Halfway through the trailer, we are treated to the only sight that should appeal to anyone.  Teller gives his buddies a "boner pill," and then they have trouble taking a leak later.  By the way, we can't just say Viagra?  No?  Just checking.  Teller calls Efron about his boner issue, and Efron tells him to pee horizontally.  Behold, the only reason to see this obvious piece of crap:

And one of Efron in motion sure couldn't hurt. 

How the hell does this not appeal to me?  I think Efron is hot.  I think Jordan is gorgeous.  Teller...well, that's another story, but you can't have everything.  Seriously, though.  He's like the second coming of Vince Vaughn that nobody prayed for.  I thought he was good in Rabbit Hole and The Spectacular Now, but don't shove that fast-talking, Xbox-worshipping hetero-sis in my face, sir!  

This movie looks painful.  I am starting to wonder if Efron will ever get his shit together.  I mean, I can't complain, because we still have this...

...but I am hesitant to shell out money to just drool over him.  That's why I think Neighbors looks better.  It actually looks funny.  

I don't even know what the movie is about.  Is this seriously about three brahs who are embarrassed to admit that they have girlfriends?  For real?  Spike Lee has trouble funding a movie, and these stupid guys have to talk about how straight, annoying guys are afraid to admit they want to be around women?  At the end of the trailer, I almost covered my eyes in embarrassment for Efron.  He goes to his girlfriend's party thinking it's a dress up party, and he has a run-in with her parents.  By the way, that's the most implausible thing in it.  You would be mortified by your boyfriend with a dildo hanging out of his pants, so your first instinct is to introduce him to your parents?

Efron is delicious, but I think I would rather look at picture of him online to get my fix.  

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