Ah, Fifty Shades of Grey. The timeless story of boy meets girl. Well, virginal idiot meets self-made man...self-made man lays lifestyle on said virginal idiot...man shows girl red room of pain (should that be capitalized?)...and then girl tries to change said man because being into S&M means there's something wrong with him. What a fairy tale.
Before you think I'm just one of those people who judges a book by its fanbase, please remember that Megan and I read all of Fifty Shades in our weekly podcast. That's right. We suffered through that book, so we can make fun of it as much as we damn well please.
What's the first trailer like? It's kind of feels like an episode of Showtime's Red Shoe Diaries. Let's face it. We all want to get to the salacious bits, so let's look at some screenshots!
I love how they give Christian Grey the Jaws treatment in the first few seconds of the trailer. Don't show his face! Let's build tension! We want those moviegoers, to quote Anastasia Steele, down there. Right from the very beginning Anastasia announces that she's uninteresting. Way to give it away, Ana, sheesh.
BAM! Women and gay men climaxing in movie theaters all across America!
But we want to see more, right? Surely, the first teaser wouldn't show us lots of sexual stuff? WRONG! Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the RED! ROOM! OF! PAIN!!!
If you want to see these images all in motion, check out the trailer.