Friday, September 5, 2014

Fifty Shades of Suck: Should Have Gone to Supercuts

I say they should have gone to Supercuts for 2 reasons.  Ana gets a haircut, and it's the most exciting thing that happens in the fifth chapter of Fifty Shades Darker.  Secondly, James' editor should have told her to cut this chapter down because NOTHING HAPPENS.  At one point, Anastasia thinks to herself, "Oh, this going nowhere."  No it's not, Ana, no it's not.  

Ana and Christian do a lot of arguing in this chapter.  Her anger climbs higher and higher in this chapter, and she actually makes an incoherent mental list of the reasons she's mad at him while they stroll down the street.  I will say this, Megan and I are continually freaked out by Christian's behavior.  She may be an idiot, but he's creepier than James Franco's Joker-ish smile.  Speaking of James Franco!  The gay Italian hairdresser that cuts Ana's hair is named Franco.  We also get to hear my wretched Italian accent!  

When Ana cooks for Christian later in the chapter, she puts on Beyonce's "Crazy In Love" as she "sashays around the kitchen."  Now we know why Queen B did a cover of it for the teaser of the Fifty Shades movie.  EL James ruins one of my favorite songs in this chapter, though.  Christian turns on Nina Simone's "I Put a Spell On You," and I pretty much wanted to die right there.  I love Simone's original, but my all-time favorite cover is Bette Midler's version from Hocus Pocus.

Megan and I are also going to introduce a new element to the podcast.  We desperately needed a laugh after this pointless chapter, and Megan came up with the genius idea to look up Amazon reviews of the trilogy.  Some people are crazy, and a LOT of people are even worse at writing than James.  We read a few in this podcast, but I found these two.  

Enjoy this week's podcast!!!

If you are new to Fifty Shades of Suck, my best gal pal Megan and I meet up every week to read a chapter from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, but we provide our own snarky commentary.  Last year, we subjected ourselves to the first book, and now we are chugging right along through the first sequel, Fifty Shades Darker.  If you would like to play catch up, the first set of podcasts are available here, and Fifty Shades Darker chapters are available below.  We hope you enjoy, and share them with your friends!!!

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